I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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