So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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