yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got inside last night via doggy door
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
