After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
