need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
