it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
