glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
