im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
