dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
