In the future we'll all be gay
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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