your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
