they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
