In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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