Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
