there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
