i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
