I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
