I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
