I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
