I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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