Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize