He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
