We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
