How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
