I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
