I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize