Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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