I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
