I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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