omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
