I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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