Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize