my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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