You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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