Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
