we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
