The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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