im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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