Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
