i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
