he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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