She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize