i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
