i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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