i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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