at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize