How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
