I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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