am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
