Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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