i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
