cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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