I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize