i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
