why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
