Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
