You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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