So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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