my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
