i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
