Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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