Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize