oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
