her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
