omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
