I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize