Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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