I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
