Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He kissed a someone with a penis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
