Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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