That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
