i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
