she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
