Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
