im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Everything about him screamed your future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
