So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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