Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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