look no pants
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize