There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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