i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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