you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize