no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
