Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
