party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
