dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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