I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
