4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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