I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
