you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
