yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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