Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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