I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
