Can Purell be used as lube?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
