My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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